Are Women Born To Nurture, or is it Just Really Good Marketing

I was having a conversation with a 35 year old man about the feelings that some working moms have about childcare. In light of his age, I was surprised to hear him  expressing a belief that was common in the 1950s that women were biologically wired to consider child care the ultimate path to happiness. I asked him if he would give up his professional aspirations to focus on hands on caring for his children. Many men would respond to this question with an embarrassed laugh or defensively state that they don’t have the luxury of staying home as they provide the money to support their family. But would they really prefer staying home instead of climbing the corporate ladder?

Once upon a time, not so long ago, society decided that women just naturally love staying home, changing diapers,  and discussing the nuances of “The Wheels on the Bus.”  Although statistics show that as of 2020 women account for 58% of college graduates, people assume that once a woman gives birth her happiest dreams will revolve around reading nursery rhymes and arranging play dates because this is in a woman’s “nature”.  Meanwhile, dads get high-fives just for showing up and holding a baby without dropping it. Now, it’s 2024, and these expectations are still hanging around like that one sad sack boyfriend that texts you five times a day..

Perhaps you’ve heard a woman say that her husband is babysitting their kids. If you think about that statement it’s clear that the dad is not the primary caregiver, he is a helper.

Now, flip the situation. What happens when a dad says he’s going to be a stay-at-home parent? Well, people are shocked and some might even question that dad’s masculinity. There’s a lingering stereotype that dads shouldn’t enjoy the day-to-day of parenthood because, well, they’ve got “more important” things to do.

Somehow, the idea that a woman might want to also do these ‘more important” things still raises eyebrows in many circles.

There is a great amount of debate as to whether male/female nurturing behavior is the result of biological makeup or social and cultural factors.

It is noted that certain biological factors affect the development of nurturing characteristics in women. However, these same factors influence men’s behavior. The hormone oxytocin, often called the “bonding hormone,” increase significantly during pregnancy and childbirth. Studies demonstrate that fathers and other caregivers also experience increases in oxytocin and other bonding-related hormones when they engage closely with infants. This suggests that biology supports nurturing in caregivers more broadly, regardless of gender.

Let’s stop labeling women as selfish whose idea of pursuing their dreams is attaining entry into the C suite in a corporation.  

So, here’s to dismantling outdated stereotypes, one dirty diaper and burnt dinner at a time. Let’s stop assuming that a woman’s biology not only dictates that she is the vessel that carries new life, but also that her children will fulfill all her aspirations.

Nurturing behavior isn’t preordained.