Love in the Ring

Let’s face it, if communication between men and women were a sport, arguments would be  

Let’s face it, if communication between men and women were a sport, arguments would be the Super Bowl. Everyone shows up confident, well-trained, and absolutely convinced they’re right and they will win. The trouble is that men and women are playing entirely different games. She’s playing chess; he’s tossing a football.

When a woman senses an argument brewing, she reaches for context, background, and supporting documentation. Think of her as a trial lawyer preparing her opening statement. She recalls what was said, when it was said, and the tone in which it was said. Meanwhile, the man is usually confused about how we even got here. He thought the conversation was about where to order dinner, and suddenly, he’s in a cross-examination about something that he did in 2019.

Men, on the other hand, like arguments to have an endpoint. In their minds, it’s like a math problem: identify the issue, solve for X, and move on. Women, however, often believe the discussion is not about X, but about what is actually the real truth behind how they got to X. They believe that the process is just as important as the end result. To him, it’s one isolated event. To her, it’s the continuing saga in a story called “You Never Listen.”

Tone is another battlefield. When men argue, they often go for volume control. If they raise their voice slightly, they think they’re making a point. When women raise their voice slightly, they’re accused of being “emotional.” This perception is usually followed by the man telling the woman to “calm down,” and we all know how that goes. You tell a woman to calm down and you just escalated the argument ten times over.

Then there’s the post-fight phase. A man’s recovery time from an argument is measured in minutes. Most men think that the minute they say those magic words, “I’m sorry” the argument is forgotten. The next morning, he thinks the issue has vanished, meanwhile, she’s getting ready for a rehash of a conversation on “What We Learned From Last Night.”

At the heart of it, though, both sides argue for the same reason; they want to be heard and understood. Men may want less drama, while women may want a greater sense of connection.

It reminds me of the old tale of the Tortoise and the Hare. The hare was proud of his speed and challenged the tortoise to a race. The tortoise was slow and steady. The hare decided he had time to take a nap. When he woke up, the tortoise had beaten him to the finish line. Men approach an argument like they are Hares. They quickly get to the point and expect to win. Women, on the other hand, take their time analyzing all aspects of a disagreement, past and present, and many times this approach is the winning one.

So, the next time you find yourself mid-argument, remember you’re not battling an opponent, you’re simply negotiating a treaty with someone who’s simply wired differently.

 the Super Bowl. Everyone shows up confident, well-trained, and absolutely convinced  

Let’s face it, if communication between men and women were a sport, arguments would be the Su 

Let’s face it, if communication between men and women were a sport, arguments would be the Super Bowl. Everyone shows up confident, well-trained, and absolutely convinced they’re right and they will win. The trouble is that men and women are playing entirely different games. She’s playing chess; he’s tossing a football.

When a woman senses an argument brewing, she reaches for context, background, and supporting documentation. Think of her as a trial lawyer preparing her opening statement. She recalls what was said, when it was said, and the tone in which it was said. Meanwhile, the man is usually confused about how we even got here. He thought the conversation was about where to order dinner, and suddenly, he’s in a cross-examination about something that he did in 2019.

Men, on the other hand, like arguments to have an endpoint. In their minds, it’s like a math problem: identify the issue, solve for X, and move on. Women, however, often believe the discussion is not about X, but about what is actually the real truth behind how they got to X. They believe that the process is just as important as the end result. To him, it’s one isolated event. To her, it’s the continuing saga in a story called “You Never Listen.”

Tone is another battlefield. When men argue, they often go for volume control. If they raise their voice slightly, they think they’re making a point. When women raise their voice slightly, they’re accused of being “emotional.” This perception is usually followed by the man telling the woman to “calm down,” and we all know how that goes. You tell a woman to calm down and you just escalated the argument ten times over.

Then there’s the post-fight phase. A man’s recovery time from an argument is measured in minutes. Most men think that the minute they say those magic words, “I’m sorry” the argument is forgotten. The next morning, he thinks the issue has vanished, meanwhile, she’s getting ready for a rehash of a conversation on “What We Learned From Last Night.”

At the heart of it, though, both sides argue for the same reason; they want to be heard and understood. Men may want less drama, while women may want a greater sense of connection.

It reminds me of the old tale of the Tortoise and the Hare. The hare was proud of his speed and challenged the tortoise to a race. The tortoise was slow and steady. The hare decided he had time to take a nap. When he woke up, the tortoise had beaten him to the finish line. Men approach an argument like they are Hares. They quickly get to the point and expect to win. Women, on the other hand, take their time analyzing all aspects of a disagreement, past and present, and many times this approach is the winning one.

So, the next time you find yourself mid-argument, remember you’re not battling an opponent, you’re simply negotiating a treaty with someone who’s simply wired differently.

 per Bowl. Everyone shows up confident, well-trained, and absolutely convinced they’re right and they will win. The trouble is that men and women are playing entirely different games. She’s playing chess; he’s tossing a football.

When a woman senses an argument brewing, she reaches for context, background, and supporting documentation. Think of her as a trial lawyer preparing her opening statement. She recalls what was said, when it was said, and the tone in which it was said. Meanwhile, the man is usually confused about how we even got here. He thought the conversation was about where to order dinner, and suddenly, he’s in a cross-examination about something that he did in 2019.

Men, on the other hand, like arguments to have an endpoint. In their minds, it’s like a math problem: identify the issue, solve for X, and move on. Women, however, often believe the discussion is not about X, but about what is actually the real truth behind how they got to X. They believe that the process is just as important as the end result. To him, it’s one isolated event. To her, it’s the continuing saga in a story called “You Never Listen.”

Tone is another battlefield. When men argue, they often go for volume control. If they raise their voice slightly, they think they’re making a point. When women raise their voice slightly, they’re accused of being “emotional.” This perception is usually followed by the man telling the woman to “calm down,” and we all know how that goes. You tell a woman to calm down and you just escalated the argument ten times over.

Then there’s the post-fight phase. A man’s recovery time from an argument is measured in minutes. Most men think that the minute they say those magic words, “I’m sorry” the argument is forgotten. The next morning, he thinks the issue has vanished, meanwhile, she’s getting ready for a rehash of a conversation on “What We Learned From Last Night.”

At the heart of it, though, both sides argue for the same reason; they want to be heard and understood. Men may want less drama, while women may want a greater sense of connection.

It reminds me of the old tale of the Tortoise and the Hare. The hare was proud of his speed and challenged the tortoise to a race. The tortoise was slow and steady. The hare decided he had time to take a nap. When he woke up, the tortoise had beaten him to the finish line. Men approach an argument like they are Hares. They quickly get to the point and expect to win. Women, on the other hand, take their time analyzing all aspects of a disagreement, past and present, and many times this approach is the winning one.

So, the next time you find yourself mid-argument, remember you’re not battling an opponent, you’re simply negotiating a treaty with someone who’s simply wired differently.

 they’re right and they will win. The trouble is that men and women are playing entirely different games. She’s playing chess; he’s tossing a football.

Let’s face it, if communication between men and women were a sport, arguments would be the Super Bowl. Everyone shows up confident, well-trained, and absolutely convinced they’re right and they will win. The trouble is that men and women are playing entirely different games. She’s playing chess; he’s tossing a football.

When a woman senses an argument brewing, she reaches for context, background, and supporting documentation. Think of her as a trial lawyer preparing her opening statement. She recalls what was said, when it was said, and the tone in which it was said. Meanwhile, the man is usually confused about how we even got here. He thought the conversation was about where to order dinner, and suddenly, he’s in a cross-examination about something that he did in 2019.

Men, on the other hand, like arguments to have an endpoint. In their minds, it’s like a math problem: identify the issue, solve for X, and move on. Women, however, often believe the discussion is not about X, but about what is actually the real truth behind how they got to X. They believe that the process is just as important as the end result. To him, it’s one isolated event. To her, it’s the continuing saga in a story called “You Never Listen.”

Tone is another battlefield. When men argue, they often go for volume control. If they raise their voice slightly, they think they’re making a point. When women raise their voice slightly, they’re accused of being “emotional.” This perception is usually followed by the man telling the woman to “calm down,” and we all know how that goes. You tell a woman to calm down and you just escalated the argument ten times over.

Then there’s the post-fight phase. A man’s recovery time from an argument is measured in minutes. Most men think that the minute they say those magic words, “I’m sorry” the argument is forgotten. The next morning, he thinks the issue has vanished, meanwhile, she’s getting ready for a rehash of a conversation on “What We Learned From Last Night.”

At the heart of it, though, both sides argue for the same reason; they want to be heard and understood. Men may want less drama, while women may want a greater sense of connection.

It reminds me of the old tale of the Tortoise and the Hare. The hare was proud of his speed and challenged the tortoise to a race. The tortoise was slow and steady. The hare decided he had time to take a nap. When he woke up, the tortoise had beaten him to the finish line. Men approach an argument like they are Hares. They quickly get to the point and expect to win. Women, on the other hand, take their time analyzing all aspects of a disagreement, past and present, and many times this approach is the winning one.

So, the next time you find yourself mid-argument, remember you’re not battling an opponent, you’re simply negotiating a treaty with someone who’s simply wired differently.

 When a woman senses an argument brewing, she reaches for context, background, and supporting documentation. Think of her as a trial lawyer preparing her opening statement. She recalls what was said, when it was said, and the tone in which it was said. Meanwhile, the man is usually confused about how we even got here. He thought the conversation was about where to order dinner, and suddenly, he’s in a cross-examination about something that he did in 2019.

Men, on the other hand, like arguments to have an endpoint. In their minds, it’s like a math problem: identify the issue, solve for X, and move on. Women, however, often believe the discussion is not about X, but about what is actually the real truth behind how they got to X. They believe that the process is just as important as the end result. To him, it’s one isolated event. To her, it’s the continuing saga in a story called “You Never Listen.”

Tone is another battlefield. When men argue, they often go for volume control. If they raise their voice slightly, they think they’re making a point. When women raise their voice slightly, they’re accused of being “emotional.” This perception is usually followed by the man telling the woman to “calm down,” and we all know how that goes. You tell a woman to calm down and you just escalated the argument ten times over.

Then there’s the post-fight phase. A man’s recovery time from an argument is measured in minutes. Most men think that the minute they say those magic words, “I’m sorry” the argument is forgotten. The next morning, he thinks the issue has vanished, meanwhile, she’s getting ready for a rehash of a conversation on “What We Learned From Last Night.”

At the heart of it, though, both sides argue for the same reason; they want to be heard and understood. Men may want less drama, while women may want a greater sense of connection.

It reminds me of the old tale of the Tortoise and the Hare. The hare was proud of his speed and challenged the tortoise to a race. The tortoise was slow and steady. The hare decided he had time to take a nap. When he woke up, the tortoise had beaten him to the finish line. Men approach an argument like they are Hares. They quickly get to the point and expect to win. Women, on the other hand, take their time analyzing all aspects of a disagreement, past and present, and many times this approach is the winning one.

So, the next time you find yourself mid-argument, remember you’re not battling an opponent, you’re simply negotiating a treaty with someone who’s simply wired differently.