Mission Escape: The Business Trip

There comes a time in every man’s life when he realizes that the most thrilling adventure he’s had in months is sneaking that second beer before his wife returns from the restroom. In that moment, his upcoming business trip transforms from a professional obligation to a full-fledged escape mission. This is a man’s chance to echo Popeye’s catchphrase, “I yam what I yam, and that’s all what I yam” and reaffirm his confidence and independence. He can forget about the “honey do “ list and put aside his parental obligations to focus on his goals. In many respects, business trips are the grown man’s version of summer camp.

When he arrives at the airport, he discovers a newfound sense of autonomy. He only has to worry about his comfort and needs on the flight. A three-hour layover transforms from an exercise in the myriad ways to entertain a toddler to an opportunity to browse overpriced electronics he’ll never buy and eat fast food without sharing a single fry.

He doesn’t need to stay at a five-star hotel for him to feel like a king. The bed is his and his alone. The remote control and the thermostat are completely under his jurisdiction. No HGTV marathons, no cartoons—just sports and action movies with an unreasonable amount of explosions.

Perhaps, the pìece de rèsistance is the business dinner. He can speak as loudly as he likes and eat whatever he wants-and that means steak, lots of steak. Maybe a martini. And he’ll definitely have a high calorie dessert. None of “I’ll have a piece of fruit,” for our man. Maybe he’ll finish off the evening at the hotel bar, reflecting on his life while watching a game that he doesn’t even care about.

There is, of course, actual work involved. Our man attends the morning meeting with good intentions, but after the third PowerPoint, his attention starts to wane. Our escape artist wonders if he can squeeze in a power nap before dinner.

He’s starting to miss spooning with his wife and almost begins to think fondly about trash duty. He returns home and comfortably settles into the domestic scene. He smiles to himself, knowing that the next business trip—his next great escape—is just a few months away