The Lonely Man Club

We often talk about gender bias and people always assume that it only applies to  women. However, men are also equally affected by what society has declared men should feel, act, and look like.From day one, a lot of guys are taught that emotions are about as welcome as pineapple on pizza. Instead of “tell me how you feel,” they get “man up.” It’s hard to build lifelong friendships when your emotional toolkit is based on the stereotypical description of a man as ‘the strong ,silent type.” Men don’t have coffee klatches.

Society tells men to be strong, stoic, and self-sufficient. Translation: don’t talk about feelings, don’t ask for help, and for heaven’s sake, don’t say “I love you, bro” without immediately punching him in the arm. With rules like that, it’s no wonder friendships stay stuck in small talk about sports and car maintenance.

A lot of men treat their careers like jealous girlfriends. The job wants all their time, all their energy, and just when you’re about to text a friend, boom, an email from your boss. By the time they look up, years have passed, and they’re suddenly retired and the highlight of the day is watching the evening news.If they’re married, the only person they confide in is their significant other. If that relationship ends, they’re left staring at their phone, wondering if it’s too weird to text Carl from high school.

Men don’t just meet to have coffee and chat. They need a reason: basketball, fishing or fantasy football. Once the activity stops, the friendship ends. Perhaps the saddest part about this is that men would rather put their hand in an open fire than admit to loneliness. They’ve equated loneliness with vulnerability and that trait is reserved for women.

Here’s the kicker: not having friends actually hurts men’s health. There are numerous studies that  show loneliness is as bad for you as smoking, but you won’t see “make a buddy” listed on a prescription bottle. UCLA Health links loneliness to an increased dementia risk by 40%, while the University of Chicago found loneliness increases heart disease, and if this isn’t enough, the U.S. Attorney General attributes loneliness to a higher suicide risk in men. Women often confide their depression to friends while men are reluctant to seek help via friendships and just quietly fade away.

There might be some hope on the horizon. Men have started forming groups where they can bond with each other without fear of ridicule. “Men Walking, Men Talking” in LA was founded in 2025. It was inspired by a NYC group to provide men with a connection with other men without the awkwardness of sitting face to face. Men walk together and without pressure can open up about their feelings. The founder of this group personally experienced how difficult it is for men to open up to one another when his father died. He learned that his father had kept the secret of his alcoholism for 31 years. He became determined to create a space where men could express themselves.

Remember, a three year old boy wants to have other little friends. When did he become convinced that this desire wasn’t gender neutral?

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