The Thrill of the Chase

Ah, the chase. The age-old, universally confusing, and sometimes completely ridiculous dance of dating. That intoxicating period of uncertainty, excitement, and pursuit can be one of the most thrilling parts of any romantic connection. The rush of anticipation, the strategic push and pull, and the emotional rollercoaster keep both men and women engaged. But what happens when the chase becomes more enjoyable than the subsequent relationship?

It’s a real ego trip when someone pursues you as if you were the most fabulous, alluring person in the world. However, let’s look at whether men and women experience the chase in the same way.

For men, it often ties back to the evolutionary instinct of being the pursuer, driven by a sense of conquest and achievement. When men were hunter-gatherers, they experienced this sense of conquest through hunting wild animals to provide food for their families. Although in modern times, they no longer have to engage in this stimulating activity, many men search in their relationships for that same rush of exhilaration. They need the romantic equivalent of tracking a wild animal. Women, on the other hand, are often conditioned to be the prize, reinforcing the idea that their value increases when they are not too easily won. This is why they are often cautioned to play hard to get. The excitement of uncertainty—of not knowing whether the other person feels the same way—creates a heightened emotional state that can make the experience even more electrifying.

Here’s a universal truth: people want what they can’t have. This is true whether for someone who’s lactose intolerant, it’s that huge bowl of real ice cream, or for someone else, it’s the hot-looking married neighbor next door. People are naturally drawn to what seems just out of reach. The uncertainty of when a text will be answered and IF the person will call adds an addictive quality to the chase that keeps both parties engaged.

 If someone’s too available, we start to wonder if the reason is that they aren’t that desirable to anyone else.  But if they’re a little elusive, suddenly, they’re the most fascinating person on the planet. Unfortunately, some people love the chase so much that the second they “catch” someone, they suddenly lose interest. Some of us have even been ghosted after admitting to our pursuer that we share their emotions.

So, what happens after the chase? How do you keep things exciting when you’re no longer nervously refreshing your phone every three seconds? It doesn’t mean that you must keep the other person in a constant state of emotional limbo. The key is to keep a little bit of that playfulness alive- keep dating each other. Don’t become too familiar with each other. He doesn’t need to know that his Princess might have a goatee if she didn’t continually tweeze her chin hairs, and he doesn’t have to walk around in old sweats and a dirty t-shirt. Send each other unexpected text messages and arrange special date nights.

Perhaps the chase may be over, but that doesn’t mean you should slip into a routine of boredom and mismatched socks. The excitement doesn’t have to fade just because you’ve “caught” each other. You can keep the spark alive -just with a little less breathlessness.