Who’s a Fraidy Cat?

We’ve all seen movies where the female character is cowering under the bedcovers while her fearless partner jumps out of bed in the middle of the night to investigate the source of a loud noise. The filmmakers have portrayed what they assume is the natural order of things, but is that assumption a reality? In a situation like this, the male partner may get out of bed, but this doesn’t mean he’s not scared out of his wits. 

As society expects men to talk their partners out of their anxiety and hide their own emotional responsiveness, women are taught to raise the ante, to be more expressive, or even exaggerate their anxiety in an often vain attempt to emotionally engage their partners. This doesn’t mean that men don’t feel things as intensely as women, but rather that they keep these emotions to themselves. When confronted with their partner’s feelings, they stonewall, hiding their own emotional responsiveness even deeper. In this way, anxiety and fear become polarized between men and women, with women appearing to be more anxious and fearful than men.

Ultimately, the portrayal of fear as a “feminine” emotion and stoicism as a “masculine” trait is a harmful oversimplification that does a disservice to both genders. Men are just as capable of experiencing fear, and women are just as capable of demonstrating courage—it’s not about biology, but about societal expectations that shape how emotions are expressed.  My three sons were just as fearful as my daughter when faced with creepy situations. I hope that they recognize that it’s a sign of strength to be in touch with their emotions

Let’s ditch the stereotypes and embrace the fact that we’re all a little bit afraid of the dark sometimes. Because real bravery isn’t about never feeling fear; it’s about facing it, even if you’re doing so with a baseball bat in one hand and your heart in your throat.

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