Are Women More Manipulative Than Men?

Back in the day, cavemen clubbed their partners over their heads and triumphantly dragged them off to their caves. This clearly demonstrated the power that men wielded over women. Although today, men no longer misbehave in such a way, they still use direct and assertive tactics to assert their power in their personal and professional lives. On the other hand, many women have discovered they can only achieve their goals through coyness and manipulative conduct. Women often must resort to batting their eyelashes and speaking in cajoling voices to get what they want as gender roles have historically limited women’s access to direct power.

In the 18th and 19th centuries, women acting coy reflected societal expectations of modesty, virtue, and restraint. Numerous instances in the literature and art of the time illustrate this societal pressure. In the book, Pride and Prejudice, the heroine initially resists Mr. Darcy’s advances to maintain her independence. The artist Thomas Gainsborough painted women with downcast eyes and shy, restrained smiles, symbolizing coyness even though many women of the era were simmering with passion and rage. Some books like A Lady’s Guide to Perfect Gentility taught women how to act in social situations, emphasizing that they don’t appear too forward. Being coy was the only acceptable way for a woman to exert power.

But is coyness the same as manipulation? The definition of manipulation involves intentional behavior designed to influence others for personal gain. In the 18th and 19th centuries, coyness was one of the few ways women could assert control in their lives. The line between coyness and manipulation is often blurred as the consequence of both is often the same. If a person uses coyness as a deliberate tactic to control an outcome, then coyness becomes manipulation. Using this criteria, it can be said that 18th and 19th-century women were masters of manipulation.

Today’s women no longer have to “know their place” in social or professional situations, but women often still feel compelled to rely on subtlety and influence to navigate societal structures, a behavior sometimes interpreted as manipulation. Assertive men are seen as admirable. However, assertive women are viewed negatively.

Research in psychology indicates that both men and women use manipulation as a tool to achieve their goals, but the methods often differ due to socialization. Women are generally taught to prioritize relationships and harmony, which can lead them to adopt more covert strategies to avoid conflict.

Moreover, some theories suggest that manipulation has historically been a survival mechanism. Women, who were often physically smaller and less able to rely on brute force, may have developed sophisticated social strategies to secure resources, protect their offspring, and ensure their safety. Although today, women no longer have to wait for their men to bring in fresh kill to feed the family, the workplace often feels like the hunting grounds.

Ultimately, the perception of women as more manipulative than men reveals more about societal biases than about inherent behavioral differences. It underscores the need to question stereotypes and examine how cultural norms shape our understanding of gender and power dynamics. By recognizing that manipulation is a universal human tool, influenced by context and necessity rather than gender, we can move toward a more nuanced and equitable view of human behavior. But in the meantime, it can’t hurt a woman’s climb up the corporate ladder if she brings in some freshly baked cupcakes to the office.