The Manly Man: Then and Now

Back in the day, being a man was straightforward: chop wood, wrestle bears, and never, ever cry. Stoicism was considered the hallmark of masculinity. Although by the early 1960s, this stoicism no longer centered on wrestling bears, men still had to be the primary protector of their families and providing for them meant that the breadwinner model was rigidly adhered to by men. They were the financial heads of the household, responsible for ensuring economic stability and making key decisions. Emotions were for the weak, and the only acceptable feelings were hunger and rage.

Fast forward to today, and the definition of manliness has taken a turn. The modern man is a complex creature, balancing sensitivity with strength, and it’s giving the old-school manly man an identity crisis. This new direction doesn’t mean that women don’t expect their men to be economically successful and physically able to protect them, however now additional criteria has been added to the definition of masculinity.

As the Guardian pointed out in a 2024 article titled, “Soft jocks: toxic masculinity is out -sensitive men with huge muscles are in”, men must now not only be physically fit but also emotionally available. These are the guys who can bench press a small car and then cry during a rom-com. However, does this mean that a sensitive, slightly built intellectual who hasn’t seen a gym since he played in Gymboree as a child isn’t considered masculine? Why are muscles part of the criteria for masculinity if the ideal is less dominance and more empathy?

Maybe the epitome of masculinity is the  lumbersexual—a man who dresses like a lumberjack but whose only experience with wood is assembling IKEA furniture. He doesn’t necessarily need the muscles as long as he can create a rugged image. The Urban Dictionary defines the lumbersexual as “a metro-sexual who has the need to hold onto to some outdoor basic ruggedness, thus opting to keep a finely trimmed beard”. Although this was all the rage quite a few years ago, you might still see a guy in Brooklyn with a beard and a plaid shirt. Perhaps this is his way of grasping at what he associates with masculinity, instead of giving into his inner urge to wear designer labels and schedule his next facial. You have to wonder who determines the criteria for masculinity?

Fashion has also played a role in reshaping masculinity. When Harry Styles donned a dress on the cover of Vogue, it sparked a debate about what it means to be a man. Critics tweeted: “Bring back manly men”. Styles stated that clothes are to have fun with and experiment with and play with. Does the gender fluid nature of Styles’ clothing choice make him less masculine? My guess is that many women wouldn’t mind having him as a partner, regardless of what he's wearing. Something to think about-do the clothes make the man?

Navigating modern masculinity is like walking a tightrope. Show too much emotion, and you’re labeled sensitive; show too little, and you’re accused of being emotionally unavailable. Today, promoting the 20th century depiction of masculinity would likely be judged a hate crime.

In the end, perhaps being a man today means embracing a blend of traditional and modern traits. It’s about being strong yet sensitive, assertive yet empathetic. And if that means crying during a rom com while wearing flannel and sipping a craft beer, so be it. After all, real men aren’t afraid to redefine manliness.